Breaking the Perfectionism-Procrastination Cycle, with Dr. Theo Tsaousides
Welcome to our exploration of overcoming common barriers to success with Dr. Theo Tsaousides, a distinguished neuropsychologist renowned for his expertise in understanding and navigating the intricacies of the human mind. With a background deeply rooted in neuropsychology and extensive experience in brain injury rehabilitation, Dr. Tsaousides brings a wealth of knowledge to the table.
In a recent podcast interview with Dr. Tsaousides, we explored pervasive challenges individuals face on their path to success and uncover effective strategies for overcoming them.
In this post, Dr. Tsaousides will guide us through an exploration of common barriers such as self-doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, and negativity, offering invaluable insights drawn from his groundbreaking work and acclaimed book, "Brain Blocks: Overcoming the Seven Hidden Barriers to Success."
Join us as we embark on a transformative journey, shedding light on the hidden obstacles that often impede progress, and discover practical approaches to navigate through them. Get ready to unlock your full potential and pave the way for a future filled with success and fulfillment.
Meet Dr. Tsaousides's, PH.D.
Dr. Theo Tsaousides is a distinguished neuropsychologist whose work has significantly impacted the fields of cognitive science and emotional rehabilitation. With a robust background in neuropsychology and clinical research, Dr. Tsaousides has dedicated his career to understanding the complexities of brain function and behavior.
His journey in neuropsychology began with a focus on brain injury rehabilitation, where he diligently worked to enhance cognitive and emotional functioning in individuals facing neurological challenges. Through his clinical practice and research endeavors, Dr. Tsaousides developed a deep appreciation for the profound impact that brain function has on every aspect of human life.
Motivated by his desire to empower individuals to overcome cognitive obstacles and unlock their full potential, Dr. Tsaousides embarked on the journey of writing "Brain Blocks: Overcoming the Seven Hidden Barriers to Success." Drawing from his extensive experience and expertise, Dr. Tsaousides sought to provide practical guidance for individuals striving to navigate through life's challenges and achieve their goals.
Driven by his passion for helping others thrive, Dr. Tsaousides's book serves as a beacon of hope for those grappling with barriers to success. Through his insightful perspectives and evidence-based strategies, he aims to equip readers with the tools they need to overcome obstacles, enhance cognitive resilience, and lead fulfilling lives.
Brainblocks: Overcoming the 7 Hidden Barriers to Success, Book Inspiration
The inspiration behind "Brain Blocks" stems from Dr. Tsaousides's deep-rooted desire to empower people to overcome the obstacles that impede their path to success. Having witnessed firsthand the profound impact of cognitive barriers in his work with individuals facing neurological challenges, Dr. Tsaousides recognized the need for practical guidance tailored to addressing these hidden barriers.
Through "Brain Blocks," Dr. Tsaousides aims to offer readers more than just theoretical concepts; he provides actionable strategies grounded in scientific research and real-world application. His book serves as a roadmap for navigating through the complexities of the mind, offering invaluable insights into understanding and overcoming the seven hidden barriers to success.
Whether you're grappling with self-doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, or negativity, "Brain Blocks" offers a beacon of hope—a guiding light illuminating the path to personal growth and achievement. Dr. Tsaousides's book is not merely a collection of words on paper; it's a catalyst for transformation—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of the mind to overcome adversity.
Common Barriers to Success
Success is not always hindered by external obstacles but can often be impeded by internal barriers that lurk beneath the surface. Dr. Theo Tsaousides, in his exploration of human cognition and behavior, identifies seven hidden barriers that can significantly impede progress toward achieving one's goals.
These seven barriers encompass a spectrum of challenges that individuals face on their journey to success:
1. Self-doubt: The persistent questioning of one's abilities and worthiness, leading to hesitancy and indecision.
2. Procrastination: The tendency to postpone tasks or decisions, often due to fear of failure, lack of motivation, or feeling overwhelmed.
3. Impatience: The inability to tolerate delays or setbacks, resulting in frustration and impulsivity.
4. Multitasking: The attempt to juggle multiple tasks simultaneously, which can lead to decreased focus, efficiency, and quality of work.
5. Rigidity: The resistance to change or adaptation, hindering flexibility and innovation.
6. Perfectionism: The relentless pursuit of flawlessness, which can result in excessive self-criticism, stress, and procrastination.
7. Negativity: The tendency to focus on the negative aspects of situations, leading to pessimism and a distorted perception of reality.
Each of these barriers can manifest differently in individuals and can interfere with various stages of goal achievement, from setting objectives to taking action and maintaining momentum.
Procrastination
Among the array of barriers to success, procrastination stands out as one of the most pervasive and insidious. It is the silent saboteur that stealthily undermines productivity and confidence, leaving individuals feeling trapped in a cycle of avoidance and self-doubt.
Procrastination is not merely a matter of laziness or poor time management; rather, it often stems from deeper psychological factors such as fear of failure, perfectionism, or a lack of intrinsic motivation. Despite its prevalence, procrastination is not a clinical disorder but can have significant implications for both productivity and well-being.
The tendency to postpone tasks can erode confidence and self-esteem, as individuals witness the widening gap between their intentions and actions. Moreover, procrastination can exacerbate stress levels, as looming deadlines and unfinished tasks loom large in the mind, perpetuating a cycle of avoidance and anxiety.
Furthermore, procrastination is intricately intertwined with other barriers to success, such as perfectionism. The relentless pursuit of perfection can paralyze individuals with indecision and self-doubt, fueling the procrastination cycle and perpetuating feelings of inadequacy.
Breaking free from the grip of procrastination requires a multifaceted approach that addresses both the underlying psychological factors and the behavioral patterns that contribute to this barrier. By cultivating self-awareness, setting realistic goals, and implementing effective time management strategies, individuals can gradually reclaim control over their actions and overcome the inertia of procrastination.
Perfectionism
While the pursuit of excellence is commendable, perfectionism can often be a double-edged sword that cuts deep into one's productivity and well-being. Perfectionism manifests as an unrelenting drive to achieve flawless results, accompanied by a pervasive fear of failure and a relentless pursuit of unattainable standards.
On the surface, perfectionism may appear as a noble endeavor fueled by dedication and ambition. However, beneath the façade of productivity lies a breeding ground for stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. The relentless quest for perfection can paralyze individuals with indecision, as they become trapped in a cycle of over-analysis and self-criticism.
Moreover, perfectionism can fuel procrastination, as individuals delay taking action out of fear of making mistakes or falling short of their impossibly high standards. The pursuit of perfection becomes a Sisyphean task, as individuals find themselves endlessly striving for an unattainable ideal, only to be met with disappointment and frustration.
Breaking free from the shackles of perfectionism requires a fundamental shift in mindset—a willingness to embrace imperfection and recognize the inherent value in mistakes and setbacks. By cultivating self-compassion, setting realistic goals, and adopting a growth-oriented mindset, individuals can liberate themselves from the suffocating grip of perfectionism and unleash their true potential.
Negativity
Negativity, though often dismissed as a mere byproduct of pessimism, is a formidable barrier that can impede progress and hinder personal growth. Rooted in a survival instinct, negativity serves as a protective mechanism, alerting individuals to potential threats and pitfalls.
However, when negativity becomes pervasive, it can distort perceptions and cloud judgment, leading to a skewed outlook on life. Individuals trapped in a cycle of negativity may find themselves dwelling on past failures, catastrophizing future scenarios, and discounting their achievements.
Moreover, negativity can breed complacency and resignation, as individuals succumb to the belief that change is futile and success is out of reach. The weight of negativity can become a heavy burden, stifling creativity, dampening motivation, and sapping energy.
Breaking free from the grip of negativity requires a conscious effort to reframe perspectives and cultivate a more balanced outlook on life. By practicing gratitude, focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses, and challenging negative thoughts with evidence-based reasoning, individuals can gradually shift away from a pessimistic mindset towards a more optimistic and empowered stance.
Additionally, fostering a supportive environment and surrounding oneself with positive influences can help counteract the detrimental effects of negativity. Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, practicing mindfulness and self-care, and seeking out opportunities for personal and professional growth can all contribute to cultivating a more positive and resilient mindset.
By addressing the underlying causes of negativity and adopting proactive strategies for managing it, individuals can break free from its grip and unlock their full potential for success and fulfillment.
Strategies for Overcoming Brain Blocks
While the barriers to success may seem daunting, they are by no means insurmountable. With awareness, intentionality, and perseverance, individuals can develop effective strategies for overcoming these brain blocks and achieving their goals.
1. Create Structure:
Establishing routines, setting priorities, and managing time effectively can help individuals stay focused and organized amidst the chaos of daily life. Utilizing tools such as calendars, to-do lists, and productivity apps can provide structure and clarity, enabling individuals to navigate challenges more effectively.
2. Challenge Perfectionism:
Instead of striving for flawlessness, embrace the concept of "good enough" and recognize the value of progress over perfection. Set realistic goals, celebrate small victories, and learn from mistakes rather than dwelling on them. Cultivate self-compassion and acknowledge that imperfection is a natural part of the human experience.
3. Cultivate Optimism:
Foster a positive mindset by practicing gratitude, focusing on strengths, and reframing challenges as opportunities for growth. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift and inspire you, and seek out sources of inspiration and motivation that fuel your passion and drive.
4. Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by engaging in activities that nourish and rejuvenate you. Make time for rest, relaxation, and recreation, and prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Practice mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing exercises to manage stress and cultivate resilience.
5. Seek Support:
Don't be afraid to reach out for help when needed. Whether it's seeking guidance from a mentor, confiding in a friend, or enlisting the support of a therapist or coach, having a support network can provide encouragement, accountability, and perspective as you work towards your goals.
By implementing these strategies and adopting a proactive approach to overcoming brain blocks, individuals can unleash their full potential and embark on a journey towards greater success, fulfillment, and well-being.
Balancing Productivity and Presence
In today's fast-paced world, the pressure to be constantly productive can often overshadow the importance of being present and enjoying the journey. However, finding a balance between productivity and presence is essential for maintaining overall well-being and satisfaction in life.
While productivity is important for achieving goals and fulfilling responsibilities, it should not come at the expense of quality time spent with loved ones, pursuing passions, or simply savoring life's simple pleasures. Similarly, being present in the moment allows individuals to fully engage with their experiences, connect with others on a deeper level, and find joy and meaning in everyday activities.
Finding this balance requires a conscious effort to prioritize both productivity and presence in daily life. This may involve setting boundaries around work hours, scheduling regular breaks and downtime, and cultivating mindfulness practices that help individuals stay grounded and focused amidst the chaos of modern life.
Ultimately, the key is to approach productivity and presence not as competing priorities, but as complementary aspects of a fulfilling and well-rounded life. By striking a harmonious balance between these two elements, individuals can experience greater satisfaction, fulfillment, and overall well-being.
Managing Emotions
Emotions are a fundamental aspect of the human experience, shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions with the world around us. However, managing emotions effectively is essential for success and well-being, particularly during challenging times.
Emotional regulation involves recognizing, understanding, and responding to emotions in a healthy and adaptive manner. This may involve techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, and cognitive reframing, which help individuals cultivate greater self-awareness and control over their emotional responses.
During times of stress or adversity, it's important to practice self-care and prioritize activities that promote emotional well-being, such as exercise, creative expression, and spending time in nature. Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals can also provide valuable guidance and perspective during difficult times.
By developing emotional resilience and coping skills, individuals can navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease and grace, ultimately leading to greater overall satisfaction and fulfillment.
Conclusion
Breaking the perfectionism-procrastination cycle requires a multifaceted approach that addresses the underlying psychological factors and behavioral patterns that contribute to these brain blocks. By cultivating self-awareness, challenging negative thought patterns, and implementing effective strategies for managing time and emotions, individuals can overcome these barriers and unlock their full potential for success and fulfillment.
Dr. Theo Tsaousides's insights and recommendations offer valuable guidance for navigating the complexities of the human mind and harnessing its power to achieve success in any endeavor. By applying these principles in our daily lives, we can overcome the obstacles that stand in our way and create a brighter, more fulfilling future for ourselves and those around us.
Transcript
Episode 9 | Mind Over Matter: Overcoming Brain Blocks with Dr. Theo Tsaousides
Summary
In this conversation, the speaker discusses various topics related to productivity, including procrastination and negativity. They also emphasize the importance of structure and organization in tackling tasks and setting goals. The speaker encourages the use of a calendar and a to-do list as tools for creating structure and helping with time management. They also suggest finding a system that works for individuals and using it consistently. The conversation ends with a brief discussion on the cultural obsession with productivity. In this episode of the Lifestyles Podcast, host Dr. Daku and guest Dr. Theo Tsaousides discuss how our brains can sometimes work against us and create roadblocks to our success. They talk about the seven hidden barriers to success, which include fear, impulsivity, perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, self-deprecation, and indecision. Dr. Tsaousides shares helpful tips and strategies for overcoming these brain blocks, such as setting realistic goals, breaking. Doctor Theo Saucedo is a neuropsychologist and author of "Brain Blocks: Overcoming the Seven Hidden Barriers to Success." In this podcast, he discusses common barriers to success, including self-doubt, procrastination, impatience, multitasking, rigidity, perfectionism, and negativity. He also emphasizes the importance of recognizing the protective function of these barriers, but also acknowledging how they can limit progress and success. Dr. Saucedo offers practical strategies for improving executive function
LAUREN
0:18
Are you often overwhelmed by your daily tasks? Do you feel like time just slips away and you can't catch your breath? Do you need better systems and routines in your life to help you keep on track? Well, join me as we chat with experts in executive function, brain and behaviour and wellness to discuss common barriers to success and explore helpful strategies for improving your executive function skills so you can find balance and joy in your life. I am Lauren Eckert, an expert executive function coach, owner of Lifestyle Coaching and the host of the Lifestyle podcast. I am so glad you are joining us today as we set aside a few minutes to find calm amidst the chaos. Your future holds endless possibilities. So let's get started. 7s Welcome back to another episode of the Life Solve podcast. I am so excited about our guests today. It is such a privilege to have Doctor Theo Saucedo on our podcast. He is an expert in executive function and what a treat it is to welcome him here today so that we can talk about overcoming hidden barriers to success. Doctor Theo Saucedo is a neuropsychologist, a clinician and researcher. He has been on faculty at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai and Saint John's University in New York. His area of expertise is executive functioning and emotional regulation. His book, Brain Blocks Overcoming the Seven Hidden Barriers to Success, is an everyday guide for optimizing productivity and goal achievement, and we have been going through this book as a team in our company, for our book club and finding so many gems that we are using for ourselves and for our clients. So I am thrilled to speak with you today and welcome you to the podcast.
THEO
2:19
Oh, thank you for inviting me. And it's such a great pleasure to be here and have this conversation with you and, uh, hopefully, uh, come up with some helpful gems for, for our listeners.
LAUREN
2:36
To get us started, could you just share a little bit about yourself and your work and what you do, and it just tell us a little bit more about, um,
THEO
2:44
you. 1s Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, you know, I just heard what you said about the book and how so many people find things in the book that they can reflect upon and say, oh my God, this is me. And I have to say, in some ways, the book is my diary. It's like all the things that I have done, I just organized it in a way to say, okay, here's what I've done to, uh, uh, to challenge myself with this, and here's what you can do as well. So I am a neuropsychologist by training, and I have been a clinician and a researcher faculty at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. I started my career as a brain injury rehabilitation specialist, which is the person who helps people who have sustained a kind of brain injury, either through a traumatic event. By traumatic, I mean a physical trauma, like, uh, a car accident where that resulted in a blow to the head, uh, or other, um, conditions that can affect brain function, like, uh, stroke or, uh, a brain tumor. Uh, and I worked with people who were looking to improve their cognitive and emotional functioning because, as you can imagine, after such an event, even if somebody is now healthy and and able to to operate day to day, um, the, the cognitive functions sometimes prevent them from getting back to life in full mode as they used to be. So a lot of the work that we do has to do with training their brain in terms of their ability to pay attention, to remember things better, to organize their thoughts, to complete tasks on a daily basis. And that can happen at a lower level or at a higher level, depending on where somebody is. So that is that people struggle 1s after such an event because their life has changed. Uh, and they often feel depression. They feel anxiety, they feel, uh, some type of post-traumatic stress. And, uh, because the brain has. Lost its ability to manage these feelings more effectively. Part of the training that we do also has to do with helping people manage their feelings. 1s So from that work I started studying more about okay, so this is how the brain works. So why don't we all get this kind of training to be able to be more efficient and effective in our personal lives? And I pulled some, some of that information and tried to transfer it to the general public in a way that makes it easy, makes sense, is not clinical. It's more about how to how to, um, how to function at our best, how to be, uh, able to reach our goals in a systematic way without several of the blocks that can get in the way. And, uh, as I was doing my my research, I started identifying certain patterns in terms of what gets people held up, what gets people stuck. Uh, and I made a little collection of those and said, let me try to understand better what's behind what's the brain function that's responsible for this? And how can we then, through training ourselves to training the way we think, the way we feel, the way we act, to be able to challenge these, these barriers and be able to be more in line with what we want to achieve in life.
LAUREN
6:26
But. And you did that so well. I love the idea of it being like your diary, because as I read it, I was like, this is what I do for a living. But I am finding this so helpful for me. And I feel like there's, you know, everybody is seeking to be more efficient and effective and successful. You know, everybody has that desire, no matter where they are or where they're even where their executive function is. So I think you really, like just hit it right on with the way you wrote the book. And that feels so organic to hear that that was kind of coming from your own experience, what you were seeing, and it really reads that way. So, I mean, I've just enjoyed it. And I think the other thing I found through reading your book is that you were articulating things and kind of categorizing them in a way that helped me better understand my clients, my friends, myself, things that I could maybe have described but not pinpointed as well. So that that was really, really, uh, eye opening for me. Um, and so I know you talk about this in the book and there's a number of different barriers, but kind of in your clinical work and just in general, what do you think are really those biggest barriers that people face? You know, like I said, everyone wants to be successful. We find a lot of times our clients really have the desire to do right, like, I'm I'm going to do this differently or I'm not going to overextend myself so much or I'm going to reach this big goal. And then when it comes time to really follow through or be consistent, they kind of end up in the same spot. It feels like this never ending cycle of failures and frustration. Uh, so what do you kind of identify? I'm sure, like they're all equally challenging, but what are the ones that you feel are or maybe the most important for us to consider in, in thinking about success and making progress?
THEO
8:04
Uh, yeah. So it's always such a challenge to pick the one, uh, and, uh, let let me just, um, let me just mention them really quickly so that everybody knows what we're talking about. Um, the the seven brain blocks, the seven barriers that I described include self-doubt, procrastination, impatience, uh, multitasking, rigidity, perfectionism, and negativity. And just by hearing these terms, you may identify with some and say, oh, yeah, I do that, I do that. Um, I can tell you that the way I, the way I laid them out is, uh, consistent with how we approach our goals. And by goals, I mean little daily goals that we all achieve every day. You know, just getting out of bed and making your bed and taking a shower is a goal that you've accomplished. But mostly they apply to bigger goals. Like, I want to, uh, go to college and graduate with a certain degree, or I want to start a business and be able to manage it on my own. Uh, or I want to write a book in that case. So at each stage in the goal achievement process, there are different brain blocks that become more relevant. So if I want to write a book, I'm going to use this as an example. And I start feeling. Lack of like. I feel less confident about whether the the thing I want to write about matters to anybody, whether anybody's going to think it's important, whether people will like it, whether I have the ability to write a book. Now I'm stuck in self-doubt, and when I'm stuck in self-doubt, I'm not going to take many further steps, because now I don't think that what I want, my goal is achievable, that I have the, um, stamina, the the grit, the intellect to, to accomplish it. So it's going to hold me back. Um, but, you know, we can go through all of them and see at what stage they interfere. I can tell you the one that's the most popular, because from my conversations with people, from a little survey that I've done, the one that people. Really experience very often is procrastination. 1s That is definitely the number one. And that's interesting because once you have overcome your self-doubt and you feel like, yeah, I want to do this, this is really good. It energizes me, it fulfills me. Then you have to deal with the nitty gritty, tiny little tasks that have to be done. And. Yeah, our our approach to life many times is why do something now when I can do it later? Because there's plenty of later. Now is now. You know, now is brief. I have other things to do. So we tend to. Put things off, and, uh. Time goes by, and then we feel bad that we put things off and time has gone by, and then we continue to, um, put things on the calendar for a later day, later day. And that never comes. And that's that's okay. I was I was talking with who said that if you give somebody. 2s For months to do something, they will wake and wait until the last week to get it done. If you give them a week to get it done, they will get it done in the same amount of time. So it doesn't have much to do with our ability to get things done, but it's about how we deal with the concept of time and where do we land things in that timeline that we have. Um, and, you know, um, many of our life goals don't have deadlines like the April 15th deadline for submitting our taxes,
LAUREN
12:03
which even that we can extend. Right. So
THEO
12:06
of course, yeah, until October and then, you know, then you have three years to file if you if you're getting a refund, right. Uh, so so I find that that's a very tricky one because procrastination is not, um, medically. Uh pathologized. Right. It's not a, there's no disorder or procrastination. There's no clinical, um, uh, significance to it, but it can chip away. And. 1s Make life really difficult because you, on the one hand, are never relaxed because you have this thing constantly in your head that you need to get done. And on the other hand, when it doesn't get done, you start feeling. Um, use that confidence that you had in the energy that you had initially starts eroding and then you go back to self-doubt. Can I really do this?
LAUREN
12:58
That's what I was going to ask is, is it really linear what it sounds like? Not, but like where it's like, okay, I've accomplished I'm through self-doubt. I can't go back. But no, because it seems like they would all connect, right? Like I even think of perfectionism. Right? So it's like now I've started to make progress, but it doesn't feel good enough. So maybe I'm back to self-doubt, which means I'm going to avoid. Which I know I'm procrastinating, you know? So I feel like they kind of probably all feed each other into this, like, vicious 1s cycle, right? I mean, you kind of just bounce back and forth. Maybe a little bit all at once even.
THEO
13:30
Yeah, indeed they do. And, uh, that's why, um, the, the once you have this framework in mind, then you can catch yourself thinking in certain ways, feeling certain ways, and say, oh, here I am. I'm being a perfectionist now, which what that means is that unlike with procrastination, where you postpone doing something, you actually are not doing it with perfectionism, you're overdoing it. You're over and analyzing it. You're overthinking it over finessing it over, editing it. Um, it really can get you stuck because. 1s It will. Things can never be good enough. You know, they need to be, um, know, things can be good enough. But we never see them as good enough. We want them to be perfect. And perfect is is an illusion. The utopia. Uh, it's an idea. Like one of those ancient Greek ideals that, uh, cannot be accomplished. But what it does, and unlike procrastination, which, you know, you're kind of like languishing with perfectionism, you're wearing yourself down to be the perfect employee, to be the perfect mother, the perfect son. And, you know, my experience now, uh, to be the perfect clinician, the perfect podcaster. So then you just. Forget that you need to put the product out there. You need to get the goal accomplished. You need to get feedback from people in a variety of ways for anything that you do. So it gets you stuck in different ways.
LAUREN
15:04
Right? And feedback is how we improve and get better. But it's that avoidant of getting the feedback that feels protective. And I think this was not what I was going to ask next, but it just popped into my mind of, you know, I've heard people share and talk about how things like rigidity and perfectionism, they can serve a purpose, right? And so maybe it's that acknowledgment phase of recognizing this is protecting me in some way, but what is it costing me or what is it preventing? So do you agree with that? Do you agree that some of these blocks may they are actually meant to be protective or they do service in a way, but they are preventing us from growth and progress and success toward a goal. Right. So it's maybe honoring and respecting like, okay, avoidance might be helping prevent me from failure, but it's also preventing me from success. Right? So is there truth to that?
THEO
15:52
I couldn't agree more. And I'm glad that you brought it up because, um, one thing that I wanted to really highlight in the book is that these are normal things. We all do them and they must have a function. And like a lot of things in life, there is a light side and a dark side to each. There's the, you know, the there's a bright side to being a perfectionist, because that means that you put a lot of thought into your work, and you put a lot of work and a lot of effort to make whatever it is that you're making, whether it is presenting an idea, make baking a cake or, uh, raising a child to make it as good as possible. There's the dark. That you are. 2s Stressing out for things that are too minor that nobody cares about and that you shouldn't care about, because now you're not focused on what you want to achieve, but what you want to avoid. So I'm baking a good cake because I don't want people to think I'm a bad cook, as opposed to I'm baking a good cake because I want people to enjoy it the way I enjoy.
LAUREN
17:08
You're losing the pleasure or the joy or the naturalness of why am I even producing this in the first place? Because you're so caught up. That makes sense. Right. And and to to to also. Um. What you said was was important. Is there a protective function? Yes. Uh, the protective function of this type of negative perfectionism is that you avoid being in situations where you are, um. 2s It's not working well enough or applying yourself well enough. Uh, or that there is a high stake of, uh, evaluation, for example. Um, if you want to study for the SATs, you put as much effort and you want to do as well as you can. Why? Because there is an outcome that depends on that. So that is protective in the sense that I want to do as well as I can. I want to be, uh, you know, I want to practice a lot because I want to be a good athlete. I want to write a lot because I want to do a want to be a good author. So this is how we improve. So there is definitely a bright side. Um, and I can't help to think of negativity. The last one is one that.
THEO
18:20
It's so interesting how there is a. Sense of two negativity that says that I'm just being realistic. I'm just. Seeing things the way they are. 2s Right? Life sucks and it can. 1s Right. Um, but this distinction between what's realistic and how we view it is what we need to pay attention to, because we as much as we want to be objective, we imbue our subjectivity in pretty much anything we do. 1s Um, so that's where there is a little bit of like, what's the protective function of negativity? Well. 1s It makes me feel better when I think that, um, life sucks and that people suck. And I'm sorry if I'm using the language that's too casual. That's
LAUREN
19:19
fine. Um, no, it's I mean, it's it's helpful because it's real. It's how people feel, right? I mean. And I think that line, that distinction of like each one. Right. So it's like negativity can be just trying to be realistic, but it can also creep into self deprecating, which isn't what people want to hear or be around. And it doesn't help you toward a goal. Right? So it's like each one of them perfection is they all kind of seem to carry that. There's a certain amount of it that might be necessary and, well, maybe not for procrastination. I want to come back to procrastination. But then there's also the certain amount that that it starts to creep into. This is block A truly, I like the visual of like a block in the road and now it's you're stuck. Right. And so um, well, going back to procrastination, because certainly, as you said, it's the most popular, it's also the most common thing that we see with our clients. Right? It's one thing to sit down and make a plan and block things out and put it on my calendar. It's another thing to do it right. And even for some of our clients, when there is an external pressure like your job depends on it, you know, sometimes that pressure makes it even more hard to get started. And I know that can often be mislabeled as lack of motivation. Um, but but could we maybe explore that just a little bit of like. And I'm sure it differs for everyone, but what are some of the things going on there when it's like, I know this has to get done? Is it some combination of I don't even know where to start or I'm underestimating how long that's going to take? Or maybe I'm not that motivated, is it? What kind of goes on behind procrastination? Because it does seem to be. Maybe it's not a bigger roadblock, but it's certainly when we talk about more and see more comfortable saying maybe more than self-doubt or negativity, like people talk more about, I procrastinate all the time, or, you know, so can we unpack that a little bit of like, what's going on? Why do we all avoid everything?
THEO
21:10
Um, you know, what's interesting with we first, it's a universal phenomenon, right? We all procrastinate. There's no there's no doubt about it. And, uh, whenever you're trying to find the one cause of something, uh, you're probably going to miss another ten causes of it. And, uh, the way I think about it is that. Each person procrastinates each time for a different reason. So the same person. I procrastinate on certain tasks under certain circumstances, but I don't procrastinate on other tasks. And and for example, I never procrastinate on watching Netflix. It's something that I do consistently and consistently well, right? So that's like my little treat at the end of the day. Um, so the, the there are some reasons and I outline them in the book and I try to, uh, you know, use acronyms just to make, make it easier for people to remember, um, where I, I highlight some reasons and the acronym is sooner. Now I'm going to have to try to remember what sooner means. Means, uh, it's about, um. 1s Sooner is about skills, um, outcomes. Uh, novelty, uh, emotional, uh, uh, emotional temperature, resources and relevance. And I'm missing one. Oh. What's the well, that I'm missing?
LAUREN
22:42
A novelty. Gil's options, ask them. Okay, I have the book in front of me, so I do pretty good. It's pretty good. Yeah. Options? Yes.
THEO
22:55
Thank you. 3s Yeah. Um, so, you know, let's say each time that I procrastinate it, there are certain circumstances, different reasons. So sometimes we procrastinate because. We are giving you. We're giving a battle between pleasure and pain. Something seems to be painful. We are going to avoid it. We're going to do something pleasurable. Um, sometimes we have too many options, but somehow we we get overwhelmed. And instead of sitting down and choosing, how do I prioritize? How do I sequence all these things that I have to do? We opt out and we're like, okay, I'm going to I'm going to do that later. I'm going to check out because, you know, every task to be done has a preceding task that needs to be done first. Um, sometimes we don't feel that what we have to do is really relevant to a bigger goal that we have. So. All right. Do I have to, uh, pay the bill now? What is it going to do for me now? Um, do I have to finish this, um, reading, writing, you know, written assignment that I have to do? I can do that. I can do that later. Um, sometimes it has to do with my estimation of resources. Like you said, we miss estimate time when we estimate how much information we're going to need to complete something. Uh, we're going to miss estimate how much support we will need. So to give you an example, just before our, uh, our conversation, I was thinking that I'm going to plug in my internet mic and I'm going to have great sound. And I left myself ten minutes to do that. Um, whereas I could have done it, you know, earlier in the day. Um, and then I ran out of time because my mic wasn't working. It wasn't, um, and I guess it's just. Now dead. So I had to scramble to find something else. So I missed estimated the amount of time that I would need and therefore I scramble. Now where's the procrastination in this? This is something I could have done earlier. I could have discovered earlier because I knew this, uh, you know, we were going to meet at a specific time.
LAUREN
25:18
But I appreciate the authenticity with that, because I think sometimes it's like people listen to experts, right, in talking about things. And it's like, well, how would you know? You don't procrastinate, right? But to hear the you share an example like that, which, by the way, very resourceful because you found something in that ten minutes and it sounds great. So I mean, that just speaks to your ability to work under pressure, but it's so helpful to hear and I try to relate with my clients a lot to of, you know, uh, there are things that I have way too big tasks that I've weighed. And, and I have all the strategies and tools that we practice with. But as you said, it's a universal experience. You know, there's so many reasons and variations of why I put things off, or I think that I thought I had enough time for all of those things. I also think the stage of life, you know, the way I used to accomplish tasks before I had children has shifted tremendously to how I think about and accomplish tasks and why things might get pushed off now. And, uh, yeah. So it's just it's it's helpful to hear you share that example. And I can think of many for myself even from today as well. But but that kind of leads me to, you know, what are some speaking of procrastination or, you know, just in general, these barriers, what are some tangible things that people can do if they find themselves in that cycle of, I want to be accomplishing more? I do have a goal. I want the goal. I feel like I really want the goal. Why am I doing the same stuff over and over again? Why do I keep ending up back where I started? It sounds like from what you said earlier, part of it is the awareness of the cycle, right? But beyond that, or in addition to that, what tends to be a good place to start for somebody in that spot?
THEO
27:01
Yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying. And by the way, thank you for saying I'm resourceful, that I found some I didn't share what all the things that I thought I had that I couldn't find. But that's
LAUREN
27:12
okay. You're here with the mic. So you're.
THEO
27:17
This is where rigidity also becomes important. 1s We awareness is is important. But like you said, awareness is not going to change things. 2s Effort will change things and for for us to start. Acting differently. We need to do something differently. Um, and many times we think we are doing something, but it's not working and we're not shifting the way we're doing it. So the one thing that I think is extremely helpful is when we create some structure. 1s Um. And what a structure mean for our day to day lives. Well, the main dimension of structure is time. So giving our time some structure, giving it some shape, uh, is is very critical because then that then helps us organize all the other things based on that dimension. You will be thinking, why is he using such a complicated way to say the word calendar?
LAUREN
28:24
So the way you just describe that, I was like, I am going to have every single one of my clients listen to what he just said, because it's it's such a different way of thinking of it. Right? Because, yeah, of course a calendar. But no, but it's putting structure to your time. And, and most people are trying to do that a million ways, but actually are not really creating structure consistently with their time.
THEO
28:44
Absolutely. It it's it's like a, you know, it's like a bookshelf or a drawer or a chest for, for things, for tasks that are not tangible and. One of the things that I really work hard with on my clients is to teach them how to use a calendar properly, and we're not talking about now people who are low functioning. We're talking about high functioning people, uh, who have very demanding jobs, uh, but they fail to organize their time. And as a result, they're falling behind. Uh, they're being they experience a lot of stress and frustration. They frustrate others on their teams that are waiting for, uh, whatever they are, part of the the work is to be done. Um, and then they also feel like there are so many other things that I want to do, and I'm not getting done. So learning how to use a calendar is really critical. And what do I mean by that? One of the pitfalls of using a calendar is that we use it in an incomplete way. So I will put some things on my calendar and other things I will not put on my calendar. And I can tell you that the probability of the things that are on my calendar. 1s The probability that they will get done is much, much higher than the ones that didn't make it on my calendar. So, um. 2s Things that are work related, but also things that are personal, things that are social. They can all go on a calendar because that's a guaranteed way of getting of them getting done. Now there's another benefit to that. You can visually see how much space you have available to do other things. And sometimes this is enlightening because. You look at your calendar, you say, how am I expecting myself to write a book when I have no time, when I have children to take care of, when I have parents to take care of, when I have clients to take care of, when I have associate, you know, so it gives you a little bit of, um, not an excuse, but a, an insight into what your life is like in a visual way that is different from just thinking about all the things that you have to do and how stressed you are. It just visually tells you, hey, look, it's okay, there is no time for this.
LAUREN
31:16
It's a reality check, right? We always say like, we have 168 hours in a week and you have all these things you want to do. This is speaking to myself too. But if you know, take out the time for sleep, picking up your kids all the and you're left with such little time, and then if you don't have a plan for that time, it's it's not surprising that things aren't getting done. I mean, you're right, it's that it's I love the idea of like the visual of like the draw or the chance to, like, holding this space. Um, so yeah, the calendar piece, I think, is where a lot of people get really stuck and it feels maybe basic to them to revisit. But then when we do it, I think it also serves another function in addition to what you shared, what it does for me, it's kind of like relieving me of that mental load, because if I don't have it somewhere, I'm taking up all this mental energy trying to make sure I remember that there's things that I need to do. Right. And so by by having a place for it, having a system, having structure that's going to help. But then it leads to what I find a lot of my clients do. And I tend to do this too, although I, I found a better system, I think, in the last few years, but keeping track of things in too many places, right. So it's like I have my calendar, then I have 75 to do lists written everywhere. And so it's like I'm dumping all the thoughts, I'm jumping all the things, but I'm not necessarily organized on that. So it sounds like starting with the calendar and evaluating the time, and then maybe reevaluating all the things that you've agreed to do and need to do. And where do they fit into that calendar? Yeah,
THEO
32:49
very good segue into the next thing I was going to talk about in terms of structure, which is a to do list. 1s Um, so the way I think about it is the to do list is your shopping bag and the calendar's your refrigerator, so you put everything in your shopping bag when you come back from the store, and now you have to organize it, but you need to have a shopping bag because that is the first step toward creating the structure. You need to know what is it that I have to do right. And a to do list is I think it's a very important tool, and I cannot highlight the importance of having one system right. That works. Um, what are some systems that work? Well, people have their own way of creating to do lists, right? So there are the notebooks, there are the post-it notes, there are the different apps that exist now for to do lists. There are different ways where documents, Excel, spreadsheets, whatever. I think it's important to pick one that works for you and make sure that it works. Um, and when you create it, then that becomes your second significant other in some ways. It's it's, uh, the person, the entity that you dump everything on your mind onto that to do list. Because that is the container. Now you don't. You're not committed to doing everything on your to do list. And remember, the to do list is not the kind of list that you want it to not have anything and say, look, I went through my to do list and I got everything done. That means that you're probably not very busy. Uh, or or. You're going to be shocked, because the next day you're going to have to populate a new to do list. A to do list is really a depository, right? It's like a savings account for. 1s Projects, ideas, little tasks, big tasks, and so on. So then the way to work within that structure is. You now have your calendar which allows you to see when do I have time during the day to do these tasks. And that's where how the two work in in, in a synergistic way. What a great explanation. And I it's funny because I'm like a convert. I used to be a handwritten to do list girl, and when I had kids I just couldn't keep up. So now I use click up and click up is like where I keep everything. But I do find myself sometimes reverting. And I think you're right, it doesn't really matter. Honestly, I just need to have one. I use a similar analogy, although I really like what you said about the shopping bag to the refrigerator. I kind of give the example of it feels like when you're going through the aisles of the grocery store without a grocery cart and you're just holding everything and you're like, I don't need a cart. You know, I don't need a grocery cart. And then you're like, standing in the egg aisle and you're like, what was the recipe I'm making for dinner? You can't think. You get the shopping cart and you dump everything in it, and then you can organize or you can see like, oh, I'm already holding Rosemary. I don't need that. Right. And so it's a similar idea. I love how all a lot of analogies come back to foods. Um, but I like the idea of, like, it's the shopping bag. It's the where you're holding the things they need to be held somewhere. And I think so many people are putting it in too many different places, storing it, trying to get it in their brain, overbooking themselves, and then they wonder why they're in this cycle. Well, that is so helpful. And I, I have one last little question for you that came up and, uh, in my mind, and I want to ask you and then I know I want to be respectful of time, but, um, my last question is just is there an element like when we think of there's this focus, I don't want to say obsession, but there is this focus in our culture of being productive, being effective, being efficient, getting things done, accomplishing things. And I've started to kind of really think about and look at. That's what my company helps people do for a living. It's so important to be productive, but kind of prioritizing and thinking about being present over just always needing to be productive, right? And like sometimes productivity doesn't allow us to connect and engage. And you know, so do you ever see or find that that some of this like.
LAUREN
37:08
Need to always be productive. Need to be more efficient and effective. Can can sometimes pair with burnout and kind of this like over functioning that we see which which maybe pairs them with that perfectionism piece. And some of the things you talked about, do you think that there needs to be more of a delicate balance of there, of just like maybe sometimes we should be bored, maybe sometimes we should just sit like, because I don't do that well. And I wonder if that's also leading us to like, now it's time to be productive and I'm to burnout. Like, is it you see any of that?
THEO
37:38
Yeah. Yeah. I actually think that, uh, it's not just finding a balance between being productive and being present, but also to recognize that the two are not incompatible. They're not pulling away from each other. I think that if we are present when we are productive, we will definitely feel less overwhelmed, less stressed, um, uh, less burned out because being present means that I am focused on this one thing, and I take in the joy of of doing it or engage because something made me have to do this right. Um, and being present means my attention is on this now and or nothing else. I think what happens a lot of times with productivity is that we are doing one thing and thinking of the next thing, and then we're doing the next thing and thinking of the next. So we're never present in the moment when we're being productive. Um, and also we have to figure out how do we measure productivity. Uh, is being busy the same as being productive? Absolutely not, absolutely not. So how do we how do we engage more with what we do in the moment is is really important for for mental, for peace of mind and also. Structuring these like moments of boredom, right? Like I have ten minutes and an hour and I don't know what to do with myself, and that's so liberating.
LAUREN
39:13
Yes. And it's like, if you were to go back a hundred years, 50 years, you wouldn't be able to just fill that with scrolling online. Right. And I find that I even even though that can be boredom for some, for me, I just mean, are there ever pockets of the day where I'm just not doing anything? And I've gotten really into the sourdough bread. I've been doing it for the last year. Everyone's very concerned. I love making the bread, but it is actually a form of just like. It's no screen. Nobody's asking me questions. I'm not, you know, and it has given me kind of this space. Whatever. I'm having to, like, check in on my bread. Actually, I'm working on a loaf right now that I will check on before my next client. It does have an element of, like, calm for me. That's not, um, my phone. And so I am working on being productive, but not just all the time busy. What you just said to me, I think is so profound, finding that space to be present while you're being productive, I, I really I'm so excited for what you just shared. I think that is going to be so helpful for our listeners. I find it really helpful because how much of our day is things we just have to get done, and if we're just getting through them to be able to try to enjoy the stuff that we probably end up not always getting to, that is exhausting. That's like that hamster wheel. So finding ways to be present find the joy in the task I'm completing, completing the task and and then moving on to the next. That's that's wonderful. I thank you for sharing that insight. Um, man, I wish we could talk all day. This is so good. I, I know that everyone listening is just going to get so much value out of this. And what can you just share with us any current projects or things that you're doing or where people can find you or, uh, 1s people are going to want to hear more from you? So where can they go to learn more?
THEO
40:56
Yeah, I one of the things that I'm pushing myself to do more is to be more present on social media. Uh, and uh, I am procrastinating like crazy on that. But I do occasionally have a blog on Psychology Today, uh, Smashing the Brain blocks, which is consistent with the title of the book. And then I occasionally write different thoughts on there. So that's one place, uh, where they can they can you can find me, and then you can you can follow me up for for getting the, the posts. Um, I am working on a, on a, on another book now.
LAUREN
41:34
Oh, I'm so excited to hear that
THEO
41:36
secret yet. So I don't know what to say, but it really is going to focus on, um. 1s On how to manage our emotions better, because that seems to be something that.
LAUREN
41:48
We've lost,
THEO
41:49
we've lost and we all suffer from. And it's like procrastination. It's just universal. Yeah.
LAUREN
41:57
It's you. Well, what about all these viral videos of everybody losing their mind at the airports? I'm sure you've seen these, right? I think maybe it's been the pandemic, or just the way people are struggling and feeling more isolated. I do agree there's just an inability for many to regulate emotion. That is so exciting to hear. And I just want to plug again, as I did the Beginning Your Brain Blocks book I recommended to so many of my clients. Our staff is currently reading it as our book club, which we're so excited to have you come talk with us later, uh, on this year. But brain Blocks Overcoming the seven Hidden Barriers to Success. I highly recommend everyone checking that out. It is so good. And as you said, even just listing out the brain blocks as you did, people are going to hear and and be like, okay, that's me. But then when I read through it, there were ones that I did not think of for myself. But as you broke it down, I realized, oh, actually, no, I do experience that in different ways in different times. And so I definitely recommend and will link your, your site and your blog on here as well. Um, but thank you so much for coming. I so appreciate this. This was such a wonderful conversation. I think people are going to really enjoy hearing from you. And, uh, yeah. Thank you for for joining me today.
THEO
43:13
Thank you so much again for inviting me. And this has been such a pleasure. We were both present and really enjoying the moment.
LAUREN
43:20
Yes. Thank you for coming. We'll have to have you back again soon. That's all for today. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Life Solve podcast. If you were looking for more strategies and support to help you or a loved one navigate executive function challenges, we would love to hear from you. Schedule a free discovery call with one of our expert coaches today, or learn more about our coaching programs by visiting our website at 1s Life Solved coaching.com