Why Self-Care NEEDS To be a Non-Negotiable Part of Your Daily Routine
The Life Solved Podcast | EPISODE #3
With host Lauren Eckert, M.Ed., Executive Functioning Coach with guest Executive Functioning Coach, Claire Duarte, M.S.
Self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for our overall well-being. Taking care of ourselves and prioritizing our needs amidst our busy lives is essential.
In this episode of the Life Solved Podcast, host Lauren invites Executive Function Coach, Claire Duarte, M.S. to share valuable insights on why self-care should be a non-negotiable part of our daily routine.
Why Self-Care Matters
Taking care of ourselves can help us in many ways, such as reducing stress, improving physical and mental health, and boosting self-esteem. When we prioritize our needs and take time to relax and recharge, we become more productive, creative, and focused.
The Consequences of Neglecting Self-Care
On the other hand, neglecting self-care can have serious consequences on our well-being, leading to burnout, anxiety, and depression. It is crucial to recognize the signs of burnout and take steps to prevent it by prioritizing self-care.
Tips for Practicing Self-Care
Practicing self-care can mean different things to different people. It can be as simple as taking a break to read a book or taking a walk in nature. Whatever it is, it's essential to prioritize self-care and make it a part of our daily routine. Here are some tips on how to practice self-care:
Identify your self-care needs: Take some time to reflect on what activities make you feel happy, relaxed, and fulfilled.
Schedule self-care activities: Treat self-care as an appointment with yourself and schedule it in your calendar.
Create a self-care plan: Plan out your self-care activities for the week or month, and stick to it.
Practice self-care regularly: Make self-care a part of your daily routine, and don't skip it even if you're busy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, self-care is crucial for our overall well-being and should be a non-negotiable part of our daily routine. Taking care of ourselves can improve our physical and mental health, reduce stress, and boost our productivity and creativity. Remember to prioritize your needs and make self-care a top priority.
Transcript
The Life Solved Coaching Podcast Episode #3: Selfcare
[00:01:08] Lauren: All right, so I have with me today Claire. She is a member of the Life Solved team, and we are so excited to have her here today as we continue this conversation about self-care. So Claire, I just thought if you wanted to introduce yourself real quick and kind of let people know who you are and then we'll dive in.
[00:01:27] Claire: Absolutely. I'm so excited to be here. A little bit about me. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's degree in counseling Psychology. And funny thing, I, when I was in school for my masters, I was on the full track to become a therapist.
That was my, my goal to be an L C P C and do the whole thing. And during that time I was actually living in inner city Baltimore, and I was working for a community mental health agency doing, crisis case management work with the poverty community both in Baltimore City County and Arundel County.
I did that for about four or five years and I was working kind of part-time while doing my internship and finishing my program, and it was kind of around the time that I like saw Lauren and we'd always kinda kept in touch through the years. And it was around the time when she had started building her company and I was like, huh, I'm kind of curious what she's doing.
So long story short, I actually jumped ship. I completed my master's, but I forgo or forewent the final credits to become a therapist because I was like, I'm so interested to know what this coaching, this executive function coaching thing is over here. And funny story, I've fast forward, I've been here, what, five, six years?
[00:02:42] Lauren: No, I think it's 2017. So yeah, it, yeah, almost.
[00:02:46] Claire: There's the math. I see my degrees in psychology now.
[00:02:49] Lauren: A lot of years. A lot of years. One, the funny thing is, is that we had an instant connection. Well, we already knew each other, but when you reached out, because I also had been on the path to becoming a licensed therapist. And that was my passion. I thought that's what I wanted to do.
When I pivoted, you know, I had gotten my hours, I had done all the things.
[00:03:05] Claire: Yes.
[00:03:06] Lauren: And I decided actually I really am interested in this field of executive function and what would that look like to help people on this side of things. And so, yeah, Claire joined the team a long time ago, and then we both have had babies since then and a lot of different things going on, and the company has grown a lot and there has a lot of her own things going on. So she has been just kind of like a foundational piece of Life Solved company and just been here from almost the beginning.
So really awesome to have you here today to chat with us, and I'm excited to talk about this because I think for the two of us, when we chat or when we text or when we touch base, yeah, it's mostly like at the core. Always comes back to prioritizing time for ourselves, making sure we have a routine, not getting too overwhelmed.
We're both very busy moms that work and have a lot of moving pieces all the time, and so we have a lot of just personal conversations about self-care and prioritizing that time. But then we also, at our professional level, this is what we do with our clients and this is what we help people with. So I thought you would be the perfect person to kind of come on here and talk a little bit about that.
To start, what are some of the things that you see our clients and, the parents that we work with, the adult clients we work with, really struggle with when it comes to self-care and just kind of prioritizing time, for the things that they enjoy and need and want to kind of stay healthy.
[00:04:31] Claire: Right. So, you know, it's funny, like, because a large majority of our clients are sort of the high school age, we do work with lots of adults and young adults too, but to kind of like zoom out, like on the macro level, right? I kind of feel like it always starts with the parents and the adults because, what happens in a family household or even just as an individual when you're not giving yourself a lot of self care, I can guarantee you those teenagers in high school are absolutely not gonna be doing the same thing either. So, I think we often, kind of come in when we're starting to work with a student, whether it's an academic style coaching session or if it's more of an adult style client. You know, a lot of times there's almost zero level of self-care activities going on because we're so used to seeing clients in that bustle, bustle of like go, go go mindset. And I think we're all sort of like, our culture is so much of that and it is hard to slow down and focus on yourself. We talk about self-care all the time, and I think sometimes that word gets thrown around a lot, but the actual act of practicing it and prioritizing it is so different.
Some people say, oh, I'm, you know, doing self-care by getting a smoothie or, treating yourself to a nice meal. And those are fun. Those are nice. I can kind of fall in that category if you may, but it really boils down to what you are doing kind of on that day-to-day, week to week to make it a real practice in your life.
[00:05:58] Lauren: Yeah I agree with you and I think, you know, when I think about, cuz you work a lot more with students and I work with like young adult adults more and for my clients and it's so relatable cuz I struggle with this too, but it's almost like that, you know, on the airplane where you need to put your mask on first before you can put it on your kids.
[00:06:13] Claire: Yeah.
[00:06:13] Lauren: Our natural response to life is just that. I'll get to that later. I'll do that later. Yeah. Once this happens or once I sort this out, then I'll be at a better routine or, oh, once my kids at this age, I'll be able to do this and we know that never comes without really hard work. That's intentional.
[00:06:29] Claire: Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:06:29] Lauren: And you're right, self-care is like, I scheduled a nail appointment or I went to the gym today. That is self-care. But it's also a bigger process of I respect myself and I and want to create space in my life where I'm not constantly so overwhelmed and burnt out and chaotic and stressed, and this is something I struggle with as a business owner is really carving out time intentionally for my kids and my family, but also for me.
And that doesn't mean time for me to sit and scroll on TikTok and, and veg because that's helpful. Right. But self-care for me personally is not overbooking myself and overextending myself.
And giving myself space where I can go out and walk and do things that I enjoy and make me feel good. But I think when I, when I think about our clients, it's, it's almost they're all coming from the exact same place, even though if it's manifested different in their life, I have too much on my plate, right?
I don't feel good. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm run down. I feel like I'm constantly dropping a million balls. And I don't know what to do about it. Right. That's like, kind of like the common thread.
[00:07:35] Claire: Well, and then I was also gonna add to that too. A lot of times we get clients in what we call crisis mode.
And this looks different whether, they're more of the academic style or they're an adult. A crisis student on the academic side might be someone that's, really behind in their classes, their grades are low, et cetera, et cetera. A crisis on the adult side might be like kind of the point that you're making right there.
I'm dropping all the balls. I'm, I'm missing appointments. I'm behind in all this work. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Right? And I think we get to that point for, I mean, so many different reasons. And I'm not, I'm not saying that neglect of self care is what, got you to that point, but there's an element of that, right?
When we're feeling burnt down or when we're feeling overwhelmed, that means we're out of balance . And we can be out of balance in many different areas and categories of our life, but self-care is one of those things that can help restore that balance that we need.
[00:08:29] Lauren: It's gotta be one of the first things too, right? I mean, and for me, an act of self-care is removing things from my schedule and removing responsibilities. And removing some of that pressure too, cuz I find that I put a lot of things on my need to-do list or my responsibility list that actually no one else is expecting or requiring of me. But it's like a pressure and expectation I'm giving myself.
So yeah, I think it's just, it's first step is just having this conversation. And that's why I appreciate our friendship so much of being able to reach out and say like, Hey girl, I'm struggling with this. And I think that's the first piece is being able, and I always encourage my clients, you've come to us, you've acknowledged that this is a challenge for you.
And like you said, Self-care isn't the fix. It's not the only thing. There's a lot of other ways to. Incorporate more balance in your life, but it's gotta be a consideration. It's gotta be part of the conversation.
[00:09:17] Claire: It's a piece of like the, like the pie chart. You know what I mean? It, it, it's a piece of that and it has to be there.
Yeah. Right. So yeah, I fully agree.
[00:09:24] Lauren: I read something the other day and I thought this, it was like a great thought for this conversation and it said, you know, let's start practicing being or prioritizing or something like that being present over being productive. And I thought, for me, like that kinda goes against like my, it's our generation.
Yeah. My whole company is productivity, but like so much in my life, I'm craving present and I'm constantly feeling the need to be productive. And those two things I think need to have a really nice balance in our lives of putting the phone down, putting the to-do list down, and being present at my workout, being present with my kids on the floor in their playroom, being present with my partner.
My friends and my family. So I loved that idea. It's actually gonna be like my theme for March of like, I love that presence over productivity. And not to say I don't wanna be productive and I don't help every day people be productive, but right. What does it look like to be more present? And for me, that's slowing down saying no to things.
Keeping with my healthy routines and rhythms of getting to the gym and eating well, that for me, allows me to be more present also at work, by the way, right? Like, yeah, I wanna be on meetings and show up and connect with people because I'm not so drained and thinking about a million things. So anyways, I wanted to dive in and talk a little bit about just some of the ways that we, help people who feel overwhelmed and Don't have time or don't feel they have time. Right. None of us feel like we have time for all the things we need to do. No, no. What are we, what are some things, and I have two strategies that I wanna talk about, but I just wanted to kinda open it up of , how do we help clients find that balance that to kind of take a step back from the burnout, from the overwhelm and find time to really take care of themselves, in a consistent, sustainable way.
[00:11:10] Claire: Yeah, so I mean, gosh, I feel like I wanna answer this question with like so many different things, but first, lemme start by talking. Again, I work with. Sort of this, that, like older high schooler, young adults
[00:11:20] Lauren: Right. That's your client facing?
[00:11:22] Claire: Yeah. Like in like mainly the young adults, but like that older high schooler group. So I wanna start by giving some of like, again, the academic example of those younger students side. So for instance I remember, gosh, this was years ago. Probably in my first year or two of coaching.
And there was a student she was, I don't know if it was all AP . She was in one of the most competitive High-end public schools in the D M V area. And I know that's, you know, not notoriously an area for that high-end productivity we're talking about, that kind of very competitive nature.
She was very smart, very talented, and And if you know anything about the April season of academics in junior and senior year of high school, that's AP season. Yeah. So, and it was around that time and I was coming in and, and I loved working with her because she had great skills and very Highly functional, but we would come in and you could see that she was just one moment from falling apart, and just kind of coming into a complete puddle.
And God bless her. She was working with the therapist too, outside of our work. But we would come in and this is like, you know what I would call kind of like an act of self care. Like okay, instead of like trying to fix the problem by doing more work, right. I would say we're gonna put all of this on pause and we would sit there and do breathing exercises meditation and writing exercises to help kind of go through all the overwhelm and the things that were on her plate, because by doing that, by creating a better sense of calm, she could then proceed through her work because she took the time to go through everything that was going on in here, and that's the whole point of self-care, right? The idea is, yes, to practice it in those tough moments, but to also do it outside of that. I remember we took a full session to do that and then after that we didn't have to do a full session of those activities but we incorporated doing at minimum five to 15 minutes about every single session.
And she was able to then do that even without me, which was fantastic. And that helped. Stay stable kind of through the AP season.
[00:13:17] Lauren: That's so important. And that's like what we do with our adults. We call it our brain dump method. And it's like we carry around so much stress and worry and to do items and things in our brain constantly, and many of which we can't do anything about right now.
And so we do that a lot on the adult side as well, where we have clients just do a brain dump. I'm like, write everything down. It could be like late last night, right? Like what's going on with. Why, you know how I need to get I need to go to the post office and get stamps. I need to think of a new recipe for dinner.
Cuz we, you know, anything that's on your brain goes on the brain dump. And that's a really great starting point because I think a lot of times when we feel out of balance, it feels like we're not making time for these big dreams and wishes and, and ideas that we have for ourselves. And we feel like we're dropping the ball on all the things we have to do every day.
Keep our house clean, keep our kids going, you know, all of that. And so the brain dump is kind of like a nice starting point where it's just like, get it out. And then you can look at it, you can prioritize it, you can pick what is most important for you.
[00:14:17] Claire: Well, and to add to that real quick and here's the point. Like we, we may be expert executive function coaches, but the reason why that we can sit here and say this to you because we have to practice this ourselves. We are not immune because we, quote unquote teach these things. We absolutely we're always the work in process.
So anyways, I live and breathe by that. But the thing that I say to my students again, whether they're, you know, in school or they're young adults or anything like that, the reason why, and it doesn't have to be they're brain ups. Specifically, but for the reason why strategies like that work is because, and the little literal words I say to my, my clients is because we're trying to make the invisible visible a k a, whatever is floating in your brain.
We want to visually see it, right? We need to see it because it's taking up space in here. But the thing is, it's just kind of floating. It's just floating, but that is taking up mental space. So what we wanna do by doing something like a brain dump or making it to-do list, however you do it, we are taking this floating mess and putting it and making it concrete.
And when you can visually see it, this is a whole, this is like the whole brain exercise of the executive functioning stuff. When you can visually see it, then you can start to do it. It's kind of like, just like literally see that visual of taking that floating cloud out and then you can see, put it somewhere.
[00:15:33] Lauren: Exactly. I like to use the example, and I, I use this all the time of, you know, when you go to the grocery store and you don't need a cart, it's always me. I'm like, I just need, oh yeah. Every time. And then you're standing in like the fifth aisle and you've got like Oreos dropping outta your hand.
You're like, every time. Right. And to me, that is what happens in my brain when I don't remember the cart. Right. So like, What do you, what happens? What's that feeling when you get the cart? You just like dump it all in the cart and then you feel like you can go shopping again. And you can think, like, when I'm holding all the stuff at the grocery store and I'm staring at like, you know, the yogurt aisle, I can't think about what flavor my kids are gonna want this week.
Right? I can't think about the recipe for dinner, but when I have the cart and I get all that stuff into the cart, again, and it's the same thing with the brain dump. It's like you've gone in without the cart, you're holding 17 items and you're dropping them all in aisle six. Let's pick 'em up, put 'em in the cart, and then you can kind of reevaluate, oh, you know what?
I already got eggs. I don't need to go back. I know what I have. I can see what I have. So I love that. I think that idea of making the invisible visible is such a huge part of this. The other strategy that, I know we use a lot and for ourselves, but also with clients. I like to have my clients identify their non-negotiables.
Yeah. And so I think the tendency, and we do this as well, right? But like, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm gonna just overhaul my whole life. I'm gonna get up at five, I'm gonna make a smoothie everywhere, all these things. And then I keep it up for two days. Right? And that's not sustainable. Like, that's why I was saying, to be realistic and sustainable self-care things that you can consistently do.
And so I like to start my clients as with non-negotiables. Pick one thing. One thing that's a non-negotiable that you do every day no matter what. You're on vacation, you don't feel well. You've got people in town. You always do that one. Pick two things. Three. I like to have clients build. Maybe if you stick with three to five non-negotiables forever that you always do, or one or two, it doesn't matter.
Exactly. Those could be things like, I always start my mornings with a big glass of water, or I, for some people, I need to make my bed. That's a non-negotiable. It's how I start my day. I need to get at least 15 minutes of walking every day. Doesn't matter what it is. I need 10 minutes in silence by myself without my kids every.
What are your non-negotiables and that's a really great place to start with self-care is just identify one thing that you can consistently do that you know makes an impact for yourself. Listening to music by yourself and, whatever that is, find one thing and start with that and try it. Make a little checklist.
We have some tools if you're listening to this and you're like, how do I do that? Yeah, right. We have some really great tools of how to track these non-negotiable. But I think it's a really great place for people to start instead of trying to be like, okay, I'm overwhelmed. Let me fix everything.
That's not how life works like, but we can find some non-negotiables and really stick to them and respect ourselves, right? If we make a plan and put it on our calendar for ourselves, just like if I made a plan with you, I wouldn't just not show up. If I couldn't come, I would let you know. I would reschedule, right?
So it's the same for ourselves. Make a plan and it's non-negotiable. You stick to it, but start really, really, really small. Right. Really small. And I know you and I have done that in our own lives and we, I know we it all the time.
[00:18:45] Claire: Right, exactly. Again, this just kind of goes back to, and I think this is why I love kind of these kind of chats because we can get to be so transparent as coaches because, again, we literally were having the same conversation ourselves this week and, you know, because hey, we're, we're, it's life.
We're busy moms and things get outta kilter sometimes, and as much as. Wanna be that straight lace, like wonderful executive function. There's many par parts of my life where I was crushing it and had the, that, you know, ideal morning routine. And it was the same inner conversation that we were having this week of going back and forth.
Like, okay, I wanna get back to my basics and how do I do that? And You know, and this is why that accountability helps having an outside individual, whether it's a coach or something like that, that you can have these kind of conversations with to bring you back down and be like, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.
That's way too many goals. Let's, let's bring this down. Let's make it a little bit more simpler, a little bit more easier for you to achieve by just focusing on the one thing at a time.
[00:19:38] Lauren: Right. One little step at a time. I like emphasize that to parents, to adults. Yes. Constantly to our students. It's like we're always wanting to envision that end goal.
Standing on the podium with the gold medal and we need to just slow it down, look down and see if we even brought our shoes to the race. Right? I say that, oh my God, a broken record.
[00:19:56] Claire: Never.
[00:19:57] Lauren: And then the last tool that we had chatted about that we use a lot especially on the adult side. And I actually personally use this tool, it's called my monthly Check-in.
And I really love this. I actually pick a day, so for me it's always on the 15th and I put it on my calendar as like a reminder and I put questions for me. It's. Questions about burnout, right. I kind of decided what are some questions that are gonna allow me to each month pause and be like, are we getting closer towards this sense of calm that I wanna have in my life, or further from it?
Right? So basically just you can decide what are those check-in questions that are gonna make you feel aware of how you're doing with self-care, but I like to just pause once a month and kind of be like, okay. How am I feeling? What are my stress levels like? I, I like to know, if I think of it like a thermometer, which is one of our tools, we have like this burnout thermometer.
What does it look like for me to be feeling cool, staying calm, not overwhelmed? What does it look like as I heat up on that thermometer? Yeah. And ultimately too hot, overwhelmed, burnt out. So my questions for myself are around that. Right? Have you taken on things this past month that you didn't need to?
What can you, like, go of this next month? What can you put into your routine this month that you can stick to? Right. So just like a checkpoint and for me it's like a really great recalibration once a month where I'm like, And I like to do it in the middle of the month. Cause at the beginning of the month I'm always like, Woohoo.
You know, like new. Right.
[00:21:19] Claire: Yeah. That's such a good point. Right. I love that. And I think I'm like, now I think I wanna do that because this brings, goes back to the thing that we were saying earlier, the intentionality. Yeah. Right. Like self-care is something, one of those things that I feel like it's so easy to talk about.
It's so easy to say, but the intentionality and the practice is completely different. But when you, you just literally did that by scheduling it in your calendar, you can make it a literal recurring thing. You could change the questions monthly if you wanted to or whatever. But then you can literally sit down and have that moment cuz you'll see it in your calendar pop up and you're like, oh.
You know what I mean? So I love that. I think that's fantastic.
[00:21:58] Lauren: And that's, I love that, that word, let's move forward with that intentionality, right? Even if your intention is just to find ways to have more self-care, that's the biggest first step because you're aware that things are out of balance.
And so I always say when clients reach out to us and they just even have that initial call with us, I'm like, Good for you. Even if you do nothing else from here, you've made a, a conscious decision that you're gonna do something about this and you're feeling overwhelmed. And yes, we are about productivity and helping people be efficient at work and at school, and getting things done.
But it, none of that happens without intentional, consistent, sustainable self care time and that mantra of, I'll get to it later when my kids are like this. I'll do this. It's never going to naturally happen that way. You have to really find and carve out intentionally, like you said, that time throughout your week.
So yeah, I think just for anyone who's listening to this to really think about what is one thing that you could intentionally do this week for yourself? That would prioritize calm, peace, enjoyment, anything that's different from the rush, hustle bustle productivity, and finding that presence and being present and being.
Enjoying this crazy life, right? Like, it's not just about getting everything done if we're not enjoying any of it. So what is that one thing you can do this week to tell yourself, Hey, I'm pausing and I'm going to take care of myself and this is how I'm gonna do it. And like I said, if you're looking for additional support around this, that's why we're here.
This is our expertise. This is what we help people with, and we know because we're doing it in our own lives, we're,
[00:23:32] Claire: yeah, I fully believe you have to walk the walk, right? Yeah. I can't tell somebody else to do X, Y, and Z if I haven't practiced it or lived it myself.
[00:23:40] Lauren: Yeah, I agree with that. It's much more relatable. Well, Claire, thank you so much for coming course and chatting with me today about self-care. Immediately thought of you because. Do such a good job of being intentional about self-care, but also being really honest.
[00:23:52] Claire: Efforts are made. Exactly. Efforts are made.
[00:23:55] Lauren: Yes. So thank you so much for coming I really think this is just such an important topic and one we will probably continue to have on this podcast. Again, this is all ongoing. Yeah. Yes, ongoing. Thank you so much. Of course. Have a good one.