Making the Most of Summer: Balancing Fun and Learning for Your Child's Break
The Life Solved Podcast | EPISODE #4
With host Lauren Eckert, M.Ed., Executive Functioning Coach with guest Executive Functioning Coach, Emily Bottegal
Introduction
Summer break is a time eagerly awaited by both children and parents alike. It's a period of relaxation, exploration, and new experiences.
However, as parents, we also want to ensure that our children's summer is not entirely devoid of structure and productivity.
Finding the right balance between fun and learning can be a challenge, but with a thoughtful approach, we can make the most of this break while nurturing our children's growth and development.
Creating Structure for a Meaningful Summer
One of the key aspects of maximizing summer break is to establish a sense of structure. While children certainly deserve a break from the rigors of school, a completely unstructured vacation may lead to wasted time and missed opportunities. By creating a framework for their days, we can help them maintain healthy habits and engage in meaningful activities.
Establishing Non-Negotiables
To build a solid foundation for a productive summer, it's important to identify non-negotiable commitments. These are fixed activities or events that cannot be altered, such as summer camps, doctor appointments, or family vacations. Involving your children in the decision-making process and discussing these non-negotiables will make them feel included and help them understand the importance of honoring commitments.
Mismatched Expectations
One common challenge during summer break is the mismatched expectations between parents and children. Parents may envision a balance between relaxation and productivity, while children may view the break solely as a period of leisure. To avoid misunderstandings, having open and honest conversations with your children about your expectations for the summer is crucial. Weekly family meetings can serve as a platform to discuss the schedule and expectations, ensuring that everyone is on the same page.
Communication and Autonomy
Clear communication is key to establishing a successful summer plan. It's essential to articulate your expectations and discuss the responsibilities and tasks you want your children to undertake. However, it's equally important to give them autonomy and involve them in decision-making. By allowing children to have a say in planning their activities, setting goals, or initiating personal projects, they will feel a sense of ownership and motivation. This approach encourages their independence and fosters their ability to manage their time effectively.
Balancing Fun and Learning
Remember that summer break is not solely about academic pursuits; it should also be a time for fun, exploration, and self-discovery.
Encourage your children to engage in activities they are passionate about, such as sports, arts, or hobbies. Provide opportunities for them to explore new interests and develop skills that may not be covered in the traditional school curriculum. Striking a balance between structured learning experiences and unstructured playtime will contribute to their overall growth and well-being.
Conclusion
Summer break presents a unique opportunity for children to relax, rejuvenate, and explore their interests. By creating a structure, setting clear expectations, and fostering communication and autonomy, we can ensure that their summer is both enjoyable and productive. Let's make the most of this break, supporting our children's growth, and helping them create lasting memories.
Transcript
The Life Solved Coaching Podcast Episode #4: Making the Most of Summer: Balancing Fun and Learning for Your Child's Break
[00:00:57] Lauren: Welcome back everyone. We are so excited to have Emily Bottegal joining us today. Emily is one of our fabulous team members. She's been with the company for a number of years now, and she's the director of our student programming. So Emily, welcome. Do you wanna just take a minute to introduce yourself and just talk a little bit about your journey with the Life Solved team?
[00:01:20] Emily: Absolutely. Thank you for having me. My role, as Lauren said, is the Senior Director of student programming, and I'm an executive function coach at Life Solved. I've been with the company for over five years now, starting as a contractor and then joining the team full-time. Absolutely love it.
Prior to working with Life Solved, I've always worked with youths, with elementary, middle high school students and their parents. I was in a dropout Prevention Program, in the DC public schools. I've also worked with the special education students, making sure that they had access to individualized support.
My background, I have a master's degree from Johns Hopkins in school-based counseling, and my bachelor's in Sociology and women's studies at University of Colorado.
[00:02:03] Lauren: Awesome. And I'll just say, just on a personal note, that Emily is like my lifesaver. She helps, basically helps me run this company and she's amazing with the parents, she's amazing with the students and also helping me manage all of the coaches on our team. So I'm so excited to have you on and when we were chatting about what should we talk about, what would be a really good topic we thought.
Let's talk about summer and how would you make your summer successful? How to handle some of the challenges that we hear from parents and from clients about just the summer slump that they get into right around not having a routine, not being organized feeling just like things aren't getting accomplished.
And so we thought we would talk a little bit about kinda how to keep that rhythm over the summer. Still having a break built in cuz we, we know that our students and our adults need. To catch their breath and to relax a little bit. But there are some ways to keep a little bit of a rhythm and a routine going to make your summer still meaningful and not a backslide into old habits.
[00:03:07] Emily: Absolutely, and I think that's the biggest thing that we see is that parents especially say, oh, my kid needs a break from school. We know that they've worked hard, but what does that break look like, right? That doesn't mean that we can just lounge on the couch on our iPad for 12 hours a day and not do anything.
So how can we have that structure and that, those healthy habits built into our summer?
[00:03:27] Lauren: Yeah, and I think for example, I always tell think of our college students and there's also this element of, they're so used to how they've been doing life for the last six months. This happens on winter break too, and then they come home and they really do need a break, right? I think there is kind of an understanding for the first couple days that you're back to just like sleep and unpack and catch up and and even for our younger students, the school year ends and it's I need to catch my breath. I, we, I, we totally understand that. I think what we notice and what we see start to happen is it's hard to then get back up into a rhythm. And when there's not all of these really tangible to-do items like my history project and my homework, it's really kind of hard to get your student or even yourself back into a rhythm.
We wanted to talk a little bit today about just consistently keeping some healthy rhythm and routine while creating enough balance that you don't have your teenager doing something every single minute of the day for the entire summer.
Did you wanna share? We like to call our non-negotiables. It's like our go-to phrase for how to keep just like a baseline routine when things are a little chaotic. Do you wanna talk a little bit about how we use that phrase or that term with our students? And then I can talk a little bit about how our adults might incorporate that in their summer.
[00:04:49] Emily: Yeah, absolutely. So that's like our foundation to creating a routine and structure in our lives, right? Or what are those non-negotiables? So things like if you're signing your kid up for summer camp, if your kid has a doctor appointment at 11 o'clock on Wednesdays, right? These are the things that they cannot be shifted.
Those times are set in place. This is when I have to leave, this is when I need to be there. This is when I come home. Non-negotiables, right? The negotiables are more of those flexible I really want to go out to dinner, but I'm not sure what day. Or those non-negotiables can even be like, I watch The Bachelor every night on Monday at 8:00 PM right?
If this is something that you have set in stone, put those on your schedule first, whether you're going to use a Google calendar, an ical, or you just put an old fashioned white piece of paper and you create your hourly schedule. Have those down so that you can then see your time and know what else you can plug in, right?
Your gym, even though it is something you really wanna do is a negotiable, right? Because your time can shift unless you're taking like a spin class, right? So that's really where I encourage people to start and to do that, especially with your young students and your young adults, have that conversation with them .
Don't just create a schedule because that's just gonna get pushback, right? So having those conversations around what do we have going on for the week and then. Allowing them to take ownership and maybe practice putting in what those non-negotiables are so that you guys can see what time you have available for everything else.
[00:06:22] Lauren: Yeah, I think when we were talking before we started, you mentioned expectation and kind of this mismatch of expectations, and I think that's really important and where we see one of the biggest discrepancies over the summer is the parents often assume that they've communicated, or it's just like obvious what these expectations are, and the student is just assuming that this is my break for the summer.
And so when it's not a week that they're on vacation or at camp or doing something really structured, There is a mismatch where maybe the parents go to work and they come back and they're like, wow, you haven't moved. And the students well, yeah, why would I have moved? This was my day. So what you're describing, having a weekly checkpoint, I even recommend of like getting that calendar set for the family.
What are the things that we have on the schedule this week? A fun thing to do is to think of maybe one day a week over the summer that you guys do something organized as a family. Maybe it's an outing or a movie night or just some activity where everyone's expected to be there and participate.
But also build in that free time and that relaxation time and the video game time or whatever that downtime is that your student is really craving and hoping for over the summer. But making the expectations really clear. Yes, you can have downtime, you can sit on the couch for a little bit, but these are the three things every day that we need from you.
Your bed needs to be made. You need to bring dishes down from your room and you need to walk the dog every day. What are those non-negotiables? And let's make it really clear so there's no confusion. And giving a little bit of structure for your student is also gonna help them because it doesn't feel good to them when they just have nothing to do.
And after the first couple weeks, that's gonna get really old really quickly. So I think having that. Really putting in on your calendar, what are the things that we have to do this week that have set times? What are the things we'd like to do that would be fun as a family? And also asking your child, what would you like to do this week?
I really wanna go do this or this. Great. Let's plan it out and plug it in. It doesn't have to be overly structured and every minute of the day is accounted for, but it gives you all a starting point to say these were the things we had agreed on as a family. And then, yes, the rest of it is free time, or the rest of it is time for you to do what you want.
[00:08:30] Emily: Going on what you were saying about those expectations, and I always think about, especially those high school and those kids coming home from college, and especially those young adults, I always tell the young people I work with, my mom was like the ultimate nagging parent.
Like on snow days or summer days, she would leave us a list of things to do on a post-it note, right? But, They never, she never said like when it had to be done so like, it was kind of a, oh, go to their grocery store. All right I'll just do it at nine o'clock at night. So having those conversations with your young people to say Hey, you need to do X, Y, and Z each day.
I want it done before I go to work. But I think also setting these realistic expectations to say okay, you're home from college. I want you up at 9:00 AM every single day. Is that realistic for your college student? If it isn't, then maybe you guys can come to an agreement. But I think a lot of times there's the lack of communication leads to those escalated situations at home, right? And your student doesn't always know you know, they come home, they think that they're gonna get a week or two to relax. You're thinking they're gonna get a day or two to relax, and then you're just watching them just lounge and you're picking up after them. Or as one of my clients said, like changing the sheets in every single room because he's just moving from like room to room, right?
If that's something that you don't wanna deal with, communicate, but also give your child some things that they need to get done during the day as well. If a student is out in mid-June and they don't go back to mid-August, that is a long time for them to relax, and then that also makes mid-August miserable for you as a parent.
[00:10:02] Lauren: I think the other thought that I would suggest to parents is if you are avoiding this conversation, because it has always led to a blow up, right? Like you bring up like video games and your, you and your college student get into a battle.
My suggestion would be, and something that we've seen be really effective is give them choice, right? Like Johnny, I really I'm so glad that you're getting a chance to relax. I know that it's really important for you to play your video games and do a, b, c. Here are two or three things that I would like to see done over the summer.
You can have choice in this, you can add to this list, but I'd really like you to have some meaningful projects or meaningful things you get done. Maybe it's like organizing something in your room or thank you notes for graduation or whatever it is, but having that conversation and then giving them a choice, giving them a say and acknowledging that you guys are maybe starting at different points, right? But you have the same goal, right? You want him to enjoy his summer, he wants to enjoy his summer, and there's a happy medium. So I would just say giving your students some choice in the matter and allowing them to pick from maybe some options of things or what they might prefer to fill their time with.
And then also really giving them the space to just chill if they need to. And just relax. Cuz in the same way as adults, we need that recharge time. So do they.
[00:11:18] Emily: I think that autonomy really helps build those - advocacy skills, right? That's what helps them learn. Telling them what to do doesn't always help them, right? But giving them that autonomy to say, I have an hour free block, or seven hours of free block. What can I do that's somewhat productive but also getting done what I need to do, right?
And that helps them build a schedule and build their own routine, but also translates when they go back to school to say, okay, I know that I have these two choices, which would be best for me at this time.
[00:11:50] Lauren: That's such a good point cuz I think we forget that this is like a practice ground, right? This is not when they're in college or they're home on summer break and they have these long chunks of free time. That is the absolute best time to be practicing these executive function skills because it's easier to stay on task when every hour of your day you're in class or you're moving from thing to thing.
But when your whole day is open and you only have two things to do, It's hard to get it done. Even as adults, we struggle with that, right? So this is the time to help them practice that, as you said, autonomy of saying, okay, I have seven hours, I have two things to do. How long will these things take me?
When should I start them? That's a really important skill to be practicing, and I would say for you as the adult or the parent, if you aren't a student or don't have students this is just as important, right? We do tend to take more vacation over the summer, even if you're not taking vacation. A lot of work and offices slow down, and so we hear from a lot of our adult clients.
That it's just harder to keep in a rhythm and they kind of are like, I'll just regroup in the fall. I'll regroup in the fall. And yes, there is a certain element where that makes sense and it's, you're outside more. It's nice. You're probably going to more events and just needing to have a little bit of a break.
But the non-negotiables for the adults are really important as well. And I kind of think of them just a little bit differently of picking two or three things that you're going to consistently do every day in your routine. That doesn't change even if you're traveling, even if you're having an off day.
So maybe that is drinking a certain amount of water or getting up out of bed and taking some time in the morning to exercise or making your bed every day, whatever it is. Picking a couple things that are part of your routine and you do them every day no matter what. Is really gonna help make your summer feel a little bit more consistent, even if maybe 90% of your routine goes out the window for the summer.
If you can keep some order and rhythm, it's gonna help the fall be an easier adjustment. The adults are a little different cuz we don't necessarily all have the whole summer off with hours and hours of free time. But it still feels, and we hear this from a lot of our clients, still feels really open-ended a lot of the time and just not our normal rhythm.
So trying to keep some consistency or some threads of consistency in your day are going to help make the fall and your adjustment back to kind of a busier schedule, a lot easier.
[00:14:08] Emily: Absolutely. And then I think as you were talking, I'm thinking about this idea of stacking, right? And for adults, if you can keep those things consistent that like at this time or this. Is my morning routine. Then when things go back to normal or they get busier in the fall, you can start stacking them because you've already have the foundation of this healthy routine started.
I think of, I don't know, a morning routine of I shower, I brush my teeth, I eat breakfast, I grab my purse, get in the car. Maybe the first thing I do is do five seconds of motivation. Maybe not five seconds, but one minute of meditation before I start driving, right? And then maybe in the fall you're like, oh, I know traffic's gonna get worse.
I'll add an extra minute, or something like that, right? It's already there as a structure, so now you're just adding a little bit more and stacking it to something that you're already doing.
[00:14:58] Lauren: I think that balance piece of it is so important because in the same way, that the college students need balance, right? They can't just fit home all day. That doesn't feel good after a while for us too, even when we're relaxing or getting that free time or those big breaks, it starts to feel a little spiraly at a certain point if we don't have some mechanisms in place.
So I think if you're someone who in the past you've said, wow, when I get outta my routine, it's either all or nothing. I'm either really focused on top of things or everything falls apart. I would encourage you to think about what are a few things I can keep doing consistently to find that balance, even in kind of these more downtime periods like the summer or like a vacation that communicate to my brain that I'm still on top of things and things are still moving forward, but I'm also relaxing.
I'm also not having to manage all of my typical stress level and responsibilities. So you know, the other thing is that we get a lot of questions from families should we take a break over the summer or even from our adult clients? And it's totally up to the individual client. But what we have found is that the summer is a really great time to keep practicing these skills because you don't have all the stress of your school assignments and overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of the school year.
And so a lot of times we can take a few steps back and work on some of the more kind of broad goals that our clients have as opposed to just being in the weeds with all of their daily tasks and assignments. Do you wanna elaborate on that at all? Because I know you deal with that too, of trying to help clients figure out the summer.
[00:16:28] Emily: Yeah, exactly. Over the summer we, really try to teach those EF skills, but in a really fun and engaging way, right? So, Especially for students and young adults doing something that they've wanted to do but haven't been able to get to it. So maybe they're doing some sort of coding program or maybe
they wanted to make a GoPro movie or they wanna organize your room, organize their room, like we had mentioned before, right? Finding, meeting with a coach, and again, it can be weekly, it can be every other week. But having someone to help them break it all down into these manageable chunks and you're really learning
those EF skills, but it's not when you're feeling like calculus is taking over your life or you're juggling all of these different things. So we help them break it down. We help them assign how long things will take, right? That estimating of how long things are gonna take, I feel like that's the hardest thing for some of those students.
And they're like, I have no idea. It's hard to have an idea if you've never done it. So we want them to estimate, we want them to assign these arbitrary deadlines, and then we want them to reflect what worked and what didn't work. And those kinds of fun things are things that we try to incorporate over the summer, because the summer is about having fun, right?
We're not sitting in seven hours of school, so we want them to do things that they enjoy, but we want them to learn those skills while they do it.
[00:17:42] Lauren: So if this sounds like something you're curious about or that typically your summers and your house go completely haywire, As always, feel free to reach out. We're happy to chat with you and talk about some more strategies around keeping your summer going strong so that you and your students are prepared for the fall.
As Emily said, it's about having fun and we wanna help foster that without all of this tension in the house around mismatched expectations of what your teenager's supposed to be doing all summer. Hopefully these ideas were helpful. And Emily, thank you so much for joining today.
We are definitely gonna have you come back on at another time. But yeah, check out our website. We have all our summer programs up on there, and you can always reach out for a call if you wanna chat a little bit more about some of these options over the summer.
[00:18:28] Emily: Wonderful. Thank you for having me.
[00:18:29] Lauren: Thank you.