Stick to it! How to Persevere in the Face of Setbacks
When we experience setbacks or an unexpected obstacle, it is challenging to return to a routine, refocus toward a larger goal, and stick to positive habit building. Setbacks are inevitable; they are necessary for developing resiliency and a growth mindset but when they occur it can seem overwhelming and even scary. The negative thoughts begin: “I knew this would happen,” “I’ll never get there, I always fail.” Perseverance is that ability to ignore those negative thoughts, embrace the setbacks, and stick to larger goals and better habits. It is a key ingredient for confidence and resiliency and can be one of the toughest to master.
Brian was not looking forward to this semester. He had one more math class he needed to complete for graduation. He was never confident in math, heard through the grapevine that this professor was difficult, and wanted to run when he saw the syllabus. This class was required however, so he would have to make the best of it. Before the midterm, he employed all the tools he knew: created a study plan, reached out to peers to review together, even went to office hours to ask questions. The test came and went and despite all his efforts, he received a 68%. Yes, he passed, but Brian wanted more. He wanted to see a higher grade - he worked for it! Why should he put any effort into the final exam, he would never get a higher grade, he would never be good at math.
Camille was really trying to stick to her goal to lose weight. She was making mindful food choices, working out regularly, and starting to see results. She was feeling great and thought that this time around it would work. She was a couple of months into this routine and so far she had been consistent. This weekend, her friend was hosting a party and she was worried she would over indulge and fall off her diet. This always happened in the past, once she got into a good rhythm, she would allow a simple event to throw her off track. Would this time around be different? At the party, Camille did not do as well as she had hoped. She went off her diet plan and woke up the next day feeling guilty. Instead of cooking a healthy breakfast like she had been for the last few months, she decided to skip her breakfast to make up for the previous night. This lack of fuel led to a very hungry Camille which led to a quick and unhealthy lunch option. These decisions continued and before she knew it, her new routine was forgotten.
Brian and Camille both struggled to adapt and persevere. They had the best intentions to create new routines and achieve goals. They both struggled with flexible thinking - impacted by past experiences - they expected that they might stumble along the way. They experienced those negative thoughts and were worried about outcomes. At the first sign of the unexpected or a negative result, they allowed those thoughts to stop their growth and further progress. Both Brian and Camille could have continued on their original paths, the problems were not the setbacks but their reactions.
When Brian received the low test grade, instead of jumping right to the final and wanting to give up, he could have paused and reflected on this experience. What did he do well? What could he do differently? He put in a ton of effort and that is a win. He can reframe the experience - “I did not get the grade I wanted but I did review.” He can also identify one small action step to reengage his positive mindset. Brian could go to his professor or TA to review the test and hear more individualized feedback to influence his preparation for the final. The final is another opportunity to showcase his knowledge. This was a setback, this was not what Brian wanted, but there are more opportunities to come. Camille likewise allowed the party to break her routine. Her negative thoughts and emotions prevented her from returning to her routine the next morning. If she paused, reframed, and identified one action step: “I did go off plan last night. I had fun and today is a new opportunity. I am just going to focus on this morning and make a healthy breakfast,” it would have been easier for her to persevere and more easily return to her routine, if she just focused on one small step at a time.
Brain and Camille’s experiences are familiar to many of us. Setbacks occur not because we do not try or because we do not want to reach our goals, they just happen. When we expect setbacks and have a plan to recover from them, we are more likely to stay consistent and persevere toward that larger goal. When the next setback occurs: pause, reframe, and take a small step - that setback will be a distant memory before you know it.
If you know of a young adult who struggles in building routine and bouncing back from setbacks like Brain and Camille, check out our BOOST program! Our expert coaches will help build skills such as perseverance during a 12-week program; providing support to young adults, ages 18-26, who need extra guidance to develop their executive function & independent living skills, while pushing their academic or career goals forward!
